Sanusi: My Mistress is Prettier Than Yours, By Rudolf Ogoo Okonkwo

You must have heard his joke before: a husband and wife were having dinner at an expensive restaurant in Victoria Island when a stunning young woman comes over to their table. Without blinking an eye, the woman gives the husband a kiss on the lips and says, “See you later.”
The wife stares at her blushing husband and at the woman walking away. Then she asks, "What was that? Who was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband with a glitter in his eyes, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's it," says the wife. "I've had enough. I want a divorce!"
“Alright then," replies her husband. "But remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in the Swiss Alps, no more summers in New York City, no more Bentley and Rolls Royce in the garage and no more private jet for quick getaways. But the decision is yours."
They stay quiet for a while. Later, a neighbor of theirs enters the restaurant with a gorgeous girl in his arm.
"Who's that woman with Sanusi?" asks the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
The woman pauses for a moment and then says, "Ours is prettier.”
African man’s greatest nightmare has arrived. Thanks to the renegade journalists at Premium Times online newspaper and their sibling at Saharareporters.com.
Fifty years from now, I hope the men who will occupy the territory currently known as Nigeria will remember this moment. It started when Premium Times published an exposé on the alleged romantic affair between the Central Bank Governor Sanusi Lamido Sanusi and one Mrs. Maryam Yaro.
Like most men, my first reaction was, “Sanusi has a girlfriend… so?” In the words of the online newspaper, “Sanusi badly needed a kiss.” So what’s wrong with needing a kiss? French study says kissing is good for you, isn’t it? The study didn't see any difference in whether the person kissing is a married man or whether the person being kissed is a married woman. A kiss is just a kiss.
If the news was that Sanusi had a boyfriend, then, then, then, I’ll understand. Girlfriend, yes. Boyfriend, news!
I loved the way men came out in droves to defend our man, Sanusi. Like editors of peer review journals, these men questioned everything about the story. It must be desperate opposition party members trying to ruin the career of a high flying banker. How did the newspaper know the contents of the texts messages between Sanusi and his mistress? (That was before we knew that the US National Security Agency collects all those information) Even if the woman’s phone was lost and found by these busybodies called journalists, how could we be sure that the contents of the texts as published were not altered? Interesting questions, if you ask me. That we trust the newspapers when they say that Ibrahim Babangida was corrupt does not mean that we should trust them when they say that Sanusi had a girlfriend. After all, Sanusi is a future emir of Kano and if he wants, a future president of Nigeria.
Oh, the one that eats the cake. “Mrs. Yaro was waiting in a seductive dress in Room 23.” She better come with a seductive dress. I say so because my mistress is prettier than Sanusi’s.
My men were good. Their investigative prowess was in full display. They asked critical questions like: what’s the business of the media in the private affairs of Mr. Sanusi? I know. Even if he used his office to influence his mistress’ employment, what’s so wrong with that? What’s wrong with having power and exercising it, even if it’s to hire your mistress? Ok, he used Central Banks money to charter plane to fly from Abuja to Lagos to meet with her, how does that translate into wasting taxpayers’ money? By the way, who’s this taxpayer we keep hearing about?
It went on and on. Men must be men. His energy was not affected. How do we know? His bow tie still stands horizontally. A man can marry two, three, four wives plus his late brother’s widow. But also a little on the side is equally important. No be so? Who hasn’t done it? He who has no sin let him throw the first stone.
So, you see, I’m happy that my men caught this one before it went out of hand. Some mentally challenged people say it is not fair for the boss to have a romantic relationship with a junior staff. They say that it will create an uncomfortable work atmosphere for other staff. First of all, who do they want the boss to have relationship with? Some old management staff like him? Secondly, if other junior staff are jealous, they should compete for the boss’ attention. Competition is always good in a workplace. I say, they should join the line. When one boss-subordinate relationship turns sour, they get their chance to climb up. If they don’t have what it takes, it’s their fault.